Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
