I puked a lego.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
