Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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