the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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