The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
