omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize