Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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