oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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