My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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