I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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