I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
