he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
