Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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