Having a random hookup so left but love u
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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