My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Welp...herpes.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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