so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize