Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
