everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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