PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
