Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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