i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
