so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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