Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Randomize
