Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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