More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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