So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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