I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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