Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
