Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
