I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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