I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just googled if crying burns calories
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
