Are we in a gay sports bar?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he thought i was a dude.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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