To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize