I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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