So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
