The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
