Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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