So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
