Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
