I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
