I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize