i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Even my vagina gasped.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
