I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
