sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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