that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
