woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
