I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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