sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
