um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize