and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
