I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
