You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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