somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
