maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize