I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
