She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize