Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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