Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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