We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
