What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
