You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
