Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
