My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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