you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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