Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do you remember whose house we're in?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
