Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
