just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
