I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
