Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Less talking, more tequila
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
