I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize