she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
