I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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