Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you inspire me to be a worse person
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
