what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
