didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
