someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
