last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
cat food counts as protein by the way
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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