think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
