I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am naked and annoyed.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
