I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
