I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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