Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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