Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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