Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize