Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
