I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
