she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
