were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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