You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
