Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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