He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize