I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
