I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
