Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you had me at cake vodka
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
