i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
