yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
