one two three fourrrrnication!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
