This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize