Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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