Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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