I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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