my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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