Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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