shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize