Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
