If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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