My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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